The Pet Shop

He looked me straight in the eye and said, "You pretend not to hear me, because I am a ferret. Yet you know through my words that I'm smarter, clearer and yes, wiser by far than your shallow little 'hey lets go to the pet shop and buy a little stank ferret' brain." He stopped and stepped off his exercise wheel. "You disrespect me as a defense mechanism, because your over-sized head is filled with useless gas, cartoon knowledge, and your soul is empty as you thrash around in your giant, ugly meat carton that you walk around in." I had stopped smiling after his first sentence, and now I pivoted away from his cage and shambled out of the pet store, shaking. As I opened the door, he yelled something in a surprisingly deep voice that was too shockingly profane to repeat.

I did buy a happy mutt that I named Eric in a different store a week later. He loves me unconditionally, never judges nor condemns. He never attacks me like that ferret did. He happily greets me every day wearing the high turtleneck that I bought him. There's usually crap on the carpet somewhere, but that's okay.