Mime

Sometimes, when my wife brings up a controversial subject and I know there's going to an argument, I put some flour on my hands and rub some on my face and pretend to be a mime. I remain trapped in my invisible room and she gets angrier and finally leaves the house in a rage. Sometimes I'll even mime in front of the window and she burns a little rubber as she leaves.

Later when she returns the bags and packages of sugary treats in the cabinet are covered in flour, along with the TV remote... and sometimes her dirty romance novels too.

One time, she stopped and put flour on herself too instead of being mad, and that was the best day ever -- two naughty mimes, doing dirty, private things the rest of the day.