Big Wheel

Probably my favorite part of Christmas is buying gifts and I particularly love it when its time to shop the toy section. Last year, my most ingenious selection was a Big Wheel, but I used it so much during the summer I wore out the brake and I'm technically over the weight limit, but I don't give a damn.

My neighbors used to laugh at me from their porch until the day I spun out and stopped, reached into the firefighter's jacket that I had also bought for Christmas and pulled out and showed them my brand new real gun. Everyone has been put on notice in the neighborhood to leave me alone when I'm on my damn bitchin' Big Wheel.