The Magical Land of Talking Animals

As many of you know, I have quite a number of animals and insects around my place who talk. Its kinda' cool but sometimes troubling. Like the other day I was out checking the gutter spouts and a terrapin slowly ambles over and says "Hey, what are you doing shithead?" This was shocking to me because I always assumed they would be more laid back, perhaps even friendly. He took a couple more slow steps and looked up more sharply, his neck dramatically protruding from the shell. "Why don't you get back in the house, pussy, before I do something about it." Holy Mackerel. I backed up and made my way back into the house, like he had instructed. I wasn't sure what that ass-kicking would look like, but I didn't want any part of it.

I watched from the window occasionally until, close to dusk, he finally went on his way. I didn't bother coming back out. I figure he had some sycophantic side-kicks waiting out there, eager to take care of his light work